Dark Souls In A Very Stupid Summary
by Lemon-Man2771
Summary: Who would read this? DISCLAMIER: I OWN NOTHING! Oneshot


**Well shit after beating Dank Souls for the 5th time I feel unsatisfied by the way the story turned out. So time to make some FF! BTW, This is a one-shot.**

Long ago, before the Age of fire the world looked like shit in tin bucket on a Sunday morning...which is bad. The world was owned by douche-bag Drago's with one hit kill flames (Sadly, we all had experiences of that crap). Suddenly a gust of wind blowed out of a hole which lead down, down, down.

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 **FIVE HOURS LATER...**

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Down, down, down, down, and down! Until it finally stopped where a large fire was with dead bodies everywhere. Suddenly the dead bodies arose, and were drawn to the flame. They all walked to it except for that one awkward guy who just sat down, saying he'd get his share of that. Suddenly, one of the husk of a body that just got up yelled. "AWWW YEAH! BOOOOOOYYYYY! BONFIRE! ALL YOU LAMEASS BITCHES BETTER RUN TO IT!" He charged straight into the fire...It didn't end well with him. The fire seemed satiated that it killed that scrub after its long losing spree in call of duty and shot out 3 Souls...from...somewhere. One soul went into a bearded old guy, One went into a Girl trying to conceal her 'Naked' Self from everyone. And the other went to the dead guy on the ground who was...surprisingly not dead. "BACK FROM DE DEAD!" Yelled the guy who apparently not died. Suddenly, he became a skeleton...made from other spooky skeletons! The girl got up after giving up on finding clothes she sighed. Until suddenly, she got a witches dress! Happy with the outcome there was still one person who was still accepting the fact he got a soul inside of him. A bright light appeared around him glowing brighter and brighter until. _FWOOOOSH!_ The light ended and when everyone could see they gasped. There stood a man who looked like Hulk Hogan's lost brother, complete with a king's crown on his head and cuirass. Three Nametags flew from the fire down to the three different people. One Nametag fell on skelly, which said, 'Nito The First Of The Dead'. The other fell on the the girl and landed gently on her shoulder which she picked up and read, 'The Witch Of Izalith'. The last one was grabbed By Hulgan Hook which read 'Gywn Lord Of Sunlight'. "Okay, so, we all have souls and-" Gywn stopped when lightning appeared in his hand, fire appeared in the Witches hand a Dark power appeared Nito's. "-And Special powers" Gywn finished. Suddenly, the crowd that was watching had enough and charged down the 3 Giants to get to the fire. "No! WAIT!" Started Gywn but something unexpected happened. They all become Knights in Armour and were bigger than man, but not as big as the three who were the first. Suddenly, 4 people rushed to the flame and 4 souls smashed into them. They all gasped for breath, as one of them got up somehow knowing his name. "My name is Havel the Rock" said the buff man who came close to how big Gywn was. soon they all got up and at once said their name. "Artocarostein" (AN: DON'T THINK LIGHTLY OF THAT NAME!) Gywn raised an eyebrow, The Witch was examining her fire, and Nito facepalmed. "Okay, Okay, one at a time" said Gywn. The tallest of the 4 stepped forward. "Artorias, sir" said Artorias. Next a woman walked forward. "Ciaran, sir" said Ciaran. Next a redhead who was similar to Artorias's height walked forth. "Ornstein, sir" said Ornstein. Suddenly, a flash of white happened again and EVERYONE was covered in Armour. Artorias having a blue scarf around his neck covering his metal Chestplate, complete with metal leggings with metal around them and a helmet in the shape of a skull of some type with his blue scarf covering his entire face. Ciaran had a mask with an odd helmet with blonde braided hair coming out the back, a blue poncho on her chest with the same Chestplate as Artorias complete with leggings that look more for assassinating then killing. Finally, Ornstein had what looked like a helmet with a lions face complete with a gold Chestplate and leggings. Everyone examined their gear with eyes that looked like a kid who was put in a candy shop with ten-million dollars. "HEY LOOK AT ME!" said a voice behind Gywn. Everyone turned around to see a stoneplated Havel with a Giant Rock Dilido in his hands. "Alrighty then! Now then lets get going so we can get this electric boogaloo going!" said Nito as Artorias took out a giant Greatsword from his pack and Ciaran took out poisonous knives and Ornstein took out a Spear with lightning coursing through it. Gywn just gave a nod of his head and pointed up. Up above the large hole stood Sunlight. Immediately, everyone raised their arms above their heads to get it but couldn't. Gywn frowned they would have to climb. "OKAY EVERYONE GET THE FUCK UP THERE!" boomed Gywn.

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 **6 hours later...**

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Fog shrouded a deep dank hole in the ground, when suddenly. "I HAVE THE POWER!" said a mighty voice as a hand as big as a human skull came out of the hole. Dragon douchebag #1 stared as a large bulking man came out of it and a lot of others. "doo u thnk we shod 420 dorito shrek these scrubs?" said #1. "Not yet we need to push em back down teh holl" said the Hellkite drake. "SILENCE, I KILL YOU!" said a black dragon known as Kalameet very furiously. "Then what are we gonna do?" said a very nerdy and high pitched voice known as Seath. "SILENCE FURRY!" said Kalameet again. "Hey, over here m'lord!" said a knight pointing at the dragons. "TAKE THIS BITCHES!" Said Gywn as he let loose a barrage of lightning spears. "Oh hell no! said Drago #1 as he was electrocuted and pounded by fire from The Witch. Artorias and Ciaran worked back to back as they took down dragons. Until, the Hellkite drake let loose a big fireball at Ciaran. Artorias noticed this with his sharp senses and grabbed her by the waist and pulled her away from the ball of death while protecting her with his body. Their lips were only inches away from each other until they pulled away, both of them blushing. "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" said Ornstein. Artorias glared at him through his helmet.

"Sir, the scrubs are stronger than we anticipated. We must get backup." said a Silver Knight. Gywn stroked his mighty beard and nodded. "Then get the _Giants_ " said Gywn. "You cant be serious" said the knight. Gywn stared at the soldier debating if he should be punished. The knight saw the glare and immediately ran to go get some giants. After the knight ran like a coward Gywn sat down and sighed. Then all of the sudden a white dragon with tentacles came barging in. Gywn still sat down, just a bit more tense then usual due to this dragon. The dragon then said that he betrayed the others and wished to join Gywn's army. Gywn approved of it and the Dragon went off to kill his dragon fagot brothers.

Gough took out his legendary bow and set it up. Licking his finger and putting it up, he tested the wind. It blowed behind him. _Perfect_ thought Gough. Immediately, he put a Dragon slayer arrow in the bow's slot and pulled back. Taking aim he fired the arrow straight at one of the dragons. It roared in fury as it was hit and crashed downwards. Gough smiled. It was almost too easy.

Ornstein sliced through the dragons with relative ease saying words that even the Dragons found offensive. Finally the last dragon was slayed by Seath the Scaleless. "WTF!?" said Ornstein as he prepared to rek Seath. "I'm on your side scrublord" but too Ornstein it sounded like gibberish. "Dafuq you just say?" said Ornstein as he prepared to fight. Gywn then magically appeared next to him and shook his head. Ornstein sighed and put away his weapons and walked away. Gywn looked at the dragon and said "Thank you for your assistance, what would you want for a reward?" Seath nodded and said "I Want my very own library with a conveniently placed cave next to it" Gywn looked at a golden calculator adding up the total amount of silver coins and gold. "It seems a bit out of the game development budget but we can do it. MEN! GET TO WORK!" said Gywn as everyone put on a hard hat. Soon everyone went to work by building shit and weapons and Armour and buildings. (AN: I'm too goddamn lazy to write everything they do here.)

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The rest of the day went without error. In a matter of minutes Anor Londo was built with the help of magic and miracles and pyromancy was made. Artorias stepped inside his new room. It looked pretty small but still neat. A king size bed was in the corner, his Armour locker and wardrobe were next to it, a nightstand and chair were on the other side, and a table with some chairs were in the middle of the room. Artorias peeled off his Armour and set it down on his wardrobe. He sighed and sat down on his bed. Suddenly, his door opened slightly. Artorias looked up revealing a maskless Ciaran. Her face was pale with blonde braided hair running down her back. She sighed and sat down next to him. "I am sorry for our little accident that happened back in the war" she said turning away just as a bright red blush went onto her cheeks. "It is okay, Ciaran. Besides..." said Artorias. "Besides what?" responded Ciaran turning towards Artorias. "I kinda wanted it too happen" Artorias said before kissing her gently on the cheek. Ciaran went into shock after that, and stood up and stumbled over to her mask. "IamdeeplysorryArtoriasforthismisunderstandingilljustleavenow!" she said and closed the door. Artorias chuckled to himself and layed down for a good nights rest. But little did he know, tomorrow will change his life...forever.

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"Sir!Sir!SIR!" yelled a silver knight running through the lord of sunlight's doorway. However, Gywn was practicing using his sword in an entirely different room. Suddenly, Gywn came in from his secret passageway from behind his king size bed. "SIR! THERE IS A PROBLEM! A LARGE ONE!" said the silver knight. "What exactly is it?" said Gywn. "The...Abyss...has woken" said the silver knight. Immediately Gywn put on his badass glasses and yelled "TACTICAL NUKE! INCOMING!" Artorias was overhearing this and jumped in. "NO! M'lord! If you do that the abyss will just grow stronger!" said Artorias. Gywn's shades flew across the room. "Oh, then what can we do?" said Gywn. Artorias pondered for a moment before coming up with an idea. "We could send someone highly skilled and also so stupid to go in the abyss and find out wtf is going on" said Artorias. Gywn raised an eyebrow before saying "Okay then, but who will go in?" "Umm...I vote not me" said the Silver Knight. Artorias sighed and raised his hand signifying 'I'll do it'. Gywn pointed to the door while drinking his MT. Dewritos. Artorias walked out the door but not without grabbing a useless puppy with a fake plastic sword in its mouth. With his gear Artorias set out.

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Artorias soon reached a village with a shroom as its guardian that can talk...I'm serious. It had a dank ass weedy cig in its mouth and booze in both of its arms. "You mofo gonna go in my weed cave?" said the high shroom. "Umm...Yeah?" said Artorias. "Well then, go for it! Ill be jerkin in the temple over here if you need me" with that the shroom wandered off. "Well...Okay that was weird. Come on puppy Sif! Lets go!" With that they ran like retards into their impending death...and died.

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From here everything went to shit. Now when i say 'Everything went to shit' I MEAN it. Depressing stuff happens blah blah blah who cares now lets continue!.

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"Well shit! the flames dying out and my bitch killed herself for the flame but made DEMONS fucking DEMONS! I'm so done with this shit I'm gonna sacrifice myself!" said a Brave Gywn to a large audience. However no one gave a shit and continued on with their daily lives. "You know what? FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT!" then Gywn blew up everyone including himself.

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 **SOMEWHERE IN A DISTANT LAND...**

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"This is boring!" said a bored pyromaniac who was sitting in the corner of a cell. All of the sudden a dead body fell from the sky! THUD! "What the fuck?" said the Pyromaniac. "Hey up here dumbass!" said a voice. The Pyro looked up to see a knight. "Oh, the fuck you doing up there?" asked the Pyro. "Why don't you grab that key..." said the knight completely ignorant to the Pyro's question. Before the Pyro could repeat the question the knight was hit off the roof and flew through the sky...

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"Fuck me..."

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 **END!**


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